Following the tragic events that saw Labour MP Jo Cox murdered in the street in her Yorkshire constituency, there has been a lot of questions as to what kind of politics we in Britain want.

The simple human facts are there from events in the West Yorkshire town of Birstall, near Leeds – that an MP highly respected by her party, opponents and constituents, who believed in helping refugees and was pro-remain in the EU referendum, and on a more human level, was a wife and mother to 2 kids, was murdered in the street on a summer Thursday afternoon. The prime suspect is a man with links to neo-Nazi and far right organisations, and who has already said “death to traitors” in court.

But while the full facts of this horrifying episode are to be proven in court, all of this has cast a shadow over not just the EU referendum, but British politics in general, and a worry it is becoming unsustainably toxic to talk about politics in the UK.

It has to be said that it has longer-term origins and there is more to the argument than just this coming Thursday’s referendum on the European Union membership. It also has to be said the general mood is not be as bad as the American presidential primaries, which have been unilaterally negative over the course of the incoherent primaries, and will no doubt continue for the upcoming election.

But in-between the so-called “Blue on Blue” arguments between high-ranking Tories, the demonisation of immigrants by Leave, the apocalyptic preaching by Remain, general misinformation flying around faster than fact-checkers can blink, and the open social media poison, this has been an unbearable campaign for those hoping for nuance, tolerance and civility in politics.

It is understandable as to why this emotive and at times desperate language is used. There is a huge decision to be made, and one that will have big repercussions for the UK, EU and possibly the whole world on a wide variety of topics. At first, the hope was a nuanced debate could be held on the merits and downsides of the European Union. Instead, its been weirdly personal and toxic, which seemingly reached a negative peak when Leave.EU Tweet a claim that staying would increase the likelihood of an attack like the one in an Orlando gay nightclub last weekend, and Nigel Farage unveiling a poster with an uncomfortable thematic resemblance to Nazi propaganda on the same day as Birstall.

It is right that campaigning was suspended in the referendum following the death of Cox and that both sides have publicly been prepared to admit this has all gone too far. But the problem goes further than these four months since the campaign began.

Being cynical about politics was there before the 21st century, but since then, to talk of politics has mostly been to talk in bleakness, and this is a view that certainly gained further traction both after the 2003 Iraq War, when Blair’s government ignored the will of the people, and then in 2009, when the MP’s expenses scandal was broken by the Daily Telegraph.

The Telegraph were right to publish it, but since then, it has been accepted and even encouraged to dismiss Westminster, and by further extension in this recent debate, Brussels, as the preserve of a corrupt, out-of-touch and unaccountable “elite”, while respect for public office, no matter who’s in charge, has eroded. This also includes within politics itself, with all parties ready and willing to criticise one another using histrionic language. One notable example was after the election of Jeremy Corbyn last year, who was duly greeted by David Cameron calling him a threat to Britain’s national and economic security.

But whether its big events like referendums and leadership changes to day-to-day politics, there is the propulsive fuel of a negative and cynical press, the utterly nauseating commentary that frequently appears in newspaper website comment sections, and poisonous social media arguments. There are even campaigners out speaking to people being greeted with hatred, or being talked to with poisonous vitriol in the street that no one else would be spoken to with.

Consequently, political debate has become entrenched and people on both sides are hostile to those believing anything else, be they hard-rights who considers lefties and immigrants some sort of enemy, or Corbynistas who believe the world is against them. Blaming each other has been common, but only illustrates that everyone is a part of the malaise.

Equally depressing is the fact is that even after what happened in Yorkshire, and even after many people accepted this entire scenario has gone too far, little in the debate has changed. Social media continues its divisive gospel, newspaper comment sections continue to be full of cartoonish hatred, and in the first speeches after the referendum restarted, the language remains as laced with negativity or poison as before, depending on the topic, albeit slightly less on the nose.

This is not to argue we shouldn’t be talking about the gravity of Thursday’s vote, or what the ramifications are either way, and to talk about the big topics. Its not even the separate arguments that Britain’s EU referendum has proven to be more trouble than its worth, or if it was directly why someone was motivated to kill an MP they disagreed with.

What it does underline is that the gap between saying awful words and doing awful things is narrower than people think it can be, and that the backdrop of toxic political culture lurking in the political background can no longer be ignored. It should be a national embarrassment the mood has not been addressed before something like this could happen, or at least could be cited as a motivation for it, and its now time to decide if what we want is to continue to be as cynical and entrenched as before.